How to Attract Healthy Friendships | Life Advice

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HEALTHY FRIENDSHIPS ARE IMPORTANT IF YOU WANT TO LEAD A HAPPY LIFE

If you've read my latest post '3 Things I Know For Sure' where I talk about three of my top pieces of advice for life, you will have read the part where I wrote about scientific research and studies on happiness. If you haven't read it, you can click here to do so. In short, these studies lead to the conclusion that one of the main sources of 'true' happiness comes from the relationships we have with the people that matter to us. With that in mind, I wanted to talk about the importance of having healthy friendships and how to attract them into your life. Because, unlike family, you can choose your friends! And that's good news for us because it means we can choose the kind of energies that we invite into our lives.

WHY ARE THEY SO IMPORTANT?

You may have heard the term 'You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.' or something very similar. The people around us have the power to lift us up and the power to drag us down. Energy is contagious- have you ever noticed that when you're around someone negative, you start to feel their negativity rub off onto you? The same goes for when you're around someone upbeat and positive- the world suddenly seems a little brighter. This quote is a reminder for us to look at the five people closest to us and to recognise the effect they have on us. It is very likely that your friends will take up 2-3 of the 5 people you spend the most of your time with. 

So, if you're interested in living your best life, you may want to take some time to look at your inner circle and decide what's working for you and what's not. Who is making a positive impact on your life and who is not. Maybe you don't have anyone in your circle that you consider a positive impact- that's okay, because we're going to be talking about how to attract healthy friendships as well as recognising the ones you already have. 

WHAT DOES A GOOD FRIEND LOOK LIKE TO YOU?

Start by listing the things that you value in a friend. Here are some examples for you!

* Shares my outlook on life

* Checks up on me

* Listens as much as they speak

* Makes me laugh

* Makes me feel good about myself

* Helps me to see the positives

* Sticks up for me

* Trusts you and vice versa 
* Common interests

Feel free to add your own to the list above, to disregard it altogether, or to cross a few out that don't resonate with you. Now circle three of the most important traits you look for.

Let's also mention that a friend who;

1. Puts you down or generally makes you feel bad about yourself

2. Talks about themselves 90% the time and overrides your voice when you go to speak

3. Let's you down frequently and isn't there for you when it really matters

4. Talks to other people about your personal matters that you wouldn't want shared

5. Doesn't congratulate you when you achieve something

6. Doesn't have your best interest at heart

are not people who posses the traits of a good friend! If someone comes to mind that ticks more than one of those boxes, my advice to you is to cut them loose. Life is too short to surround yourself with people who make you feel rubbish!

WHAT DOES YOUR CIRCLE LOOK LIKE?

Now write a list of the people you spend time with. Don't focus on the ones you spend the most time with just yet. Start by going down your list and draw a face next to each of their names as to how you feel when you're spending time with them (I suggest a smile, neutral and sad expression.) Next, write down the reasons for why you feel this way when you're with them. This helps you to analyse the magnitude of their behaviour and whether it's something minor that can be discussed, maybe even looked over or if it's more serious.

It's your decision as to whether you want to talk to the people you're not so happy around, to see if you can improve your relationship or if you want to distance yourself from them and spend more time with someone who makes you feel happy. Bearing in mind, the whole point of this is to surround yourself with people who lift you up.

HOW CAN I ATTRACT HEALTHY FRIENDSHIPS? 

You might have looked at your list and noticed sad and neutral faces staring back up at you. You'll either be thinking 'It's me. I'm the problem.' or 'I just don't get it. I'm a great friend!' and if so, you could be right or wrong either way! 

Take some time to look at the list of traits you value in friendships and ask yourself, do I possess these traits? If you value a friend that listens as much as they speak- ask yourself: Do I listen to others as much as I speak? If you value a friend that's there for you when it matters- ask yourself: Am I there for my friends when they need me?

If you're answering no to these questions, there may lay the answer as to why you don't have the friendships you want. The energy you give out to the world is the same energy that you will receive. Write out some pointers that you could work on as a friend and try to be really conscious of those things when you next meet a friend! If you focus on becoming the best friend you can be to others, the best people will naturally gravitate towards you. 

HOW DO I PHASE OUT OF A BAD FRIENDSHIP?

This is a tricky subject to broach! I've drifted from friends by lack of communication, leading to no communication for months, even years. I've also had conversations with friends to say that it's not working for me. I personally think toxic people don't need an explanation from you as to why you don't want to associate with them anymore. They removed their 'right' of an explanation when they treated you badly BUT, having said that, a conversation can help create closure. 

When a friendship doesn't go as far as being toxic but you still don't think that they add value to your life, I think it's important to respect the other person enough to not leave them forever wondering why you just never replied to their message. An example of that could be 'I know you're going to be thinking that this is completely out of the blue but I don't think this friendship is working out for me anymore. This is not me being five years old and crying 'I don't want to be your friend anymore!' I just need to focus on what's best for me right now. I hope you understand and I wish you the best.' I would love to hear your opinions on how to  phase out a bad friendship!

After all of this, just remember: You deserve happiness. You deserve the best friendships that life has to offer. Focussing on yourself is not selfish. When you start to work on yourself, how you treat others and surrounding yourself with good people, your life will start to change for the better! 

I wish you all a very happy week,

LUNA EDEN X