Small Ways to Make The World A Better Place

So, making the world a better place- heavy stuff right? Well, it doesn't have to be! Many of us are aware that our planet needs help in various areas and so it's easy to get overwhelmed by it all and want to retreat to pretending the problems don't exist and that everything will be okay. We're not talking about shaving your hair for charity, or becoming a full blown minimalist and vegan here- although I have to say, all of those things are commendable and pretty amazing things to commit to! We're going to be talking about small, easy things that you can do to make the world we live in, a better, happier place- and who doesn't want that!? 

MANNERS

Ever heard the phrase 'manners cost nothing'? It's because they don't. They also take next to NO TIME out of your day, yet so many don't use them. Manners is synonymous with kindness. Thanking a waiter for bringing you your food, thanking the bus driver as you leave the bus, holding a door open for someone- these are all such tiny things that you can do and yet the impact that it could have on someones day is huge. I've worked in retail and hospitality for long enough to know that someone just simply thanking you for your help is enough to brighten someone's day. If you don't do these things already, try these out;

+ Say please when ordering food or coffee
+ Say thank you when the waitress/waiter brings you your food
+ Thank the bus driver when you leave (he probably hates his job)
+ Instead of cutting someone up, (whether in a car or on foot) let them go in front
+ Hold the door open for the next person
+ Say thank you to your god damn parents for making you food
+ Why not ask the barista how they are doing for once? You might catch them off guard

These might seem like really basic tips but I witness an incredible amount of people not doing them! I actually shake my head when people walk on and off of the bus, not even acknowledging the bus driver. SHAME ON YOU. Manners = Kindness = The world's a better place.

ENVIRONMENT

Of course this post was going to have something to say about the environment. It's one of the most important factors of making the world a better place. How we look after the world we live in, dictates what our futures will look like- maybe for us and definitely for our children and our children's children! I personally think that being a responsible human being for the good of the planet can actually be a little bit overwhelming! Be vegan, don't use plastic, eat organically, recycle, cut down on transport, turn the taps off when you're brushing your teeth, use cruelty free- the social pressures are thrown at us from every angle! 

Now I get that it can seem like pressure, but it's really just an urgency. People are passionate about saving the planet and that is a good thing. Sometimes we need to feel social pressure (and in some cases, to feel bad!) in order to do what's right. Hence why putting a picture of a dead turtle with a straw up it's nose will dramatically decrease the amount of straw use. But, tackling everything at once can seem like a lot! Habits are hard to break and commitments like becoming vegan can be really challenging! The most important thing to remember is that some change is better than no change. 

This is not to say that by you occasionally remembering to split your rubbish into recycling and general waste, and doing nothing else is considered a conscious effort because let's face it, it's not. We need to strive to be making changes and making an effort. We can make the world a better place by starting off small and then challenging ourselves to do the next change. It's about improvement! Not about perfection!

Here are some small things you can do to improve the environment and in turn, make the world a better place;

+ Buy yourself a metal/bamboo straw and keep it in your bag
+ Buy yourself a travel cup and keep it in your bag
+ Keep carrier bags in your car for your food shops
+ Keep a fold-down bag in your handbag
+ Start splitting your waste into recycle and general (if you haven't already)
+ Buy vegetables and fruit without plastic packaging where you can
+ Cut down on your meat intake
+ Change your regular milk for non-dairy alternatives

Again, these might seem like very obvious pointers and you might have read most of those and realised you're already doing them. If that's the case- that's amazing! But there is always more that we can do. Think about what your next step up could be. Also, you could choose to focus on the other topics we're discussing here today- you may have environment on lock down but there are other ways to make the world a better place too!

WORK ON YOURSELF

"In order to change the world, we must first change ourselves." Of course, we can still buy a bamboo straw and cut down on our meat intake without having 'worked on ourselves' if we're taking this quote literally BUT what I'm really talking about here, is working through our shit. So many people are unaware of half of their 'shit' but if you're here, reading this blog- chances are, you're aware to some degree! But being aware is only the first step, action is the most important step here. Your 'shit' is translated through your limiting beliefs of the world and of yourself, through the way you react to challenging situations or to people and through your fears that have been taught from childhood or that have been learned through painful experiences. Either way, these things make a big impact on our world whether you see it yet or not.

Here are some small ways you can work on yourself in order to make the world a better place;

+ Read Eckhart Tolle's book 'A New Earth' 

+ Take a close look at your relationships with others; Do you find it difficult to be alone romantically or find yourself always wanting to physically be around people? Ask yourself why this is.

+ Take a look at how you treat the people around you. Be honest with yourself- do you treat them how you would wish to be treated yourself?

+ Start writing a gratitude list 

+ Start actively working towards your dreams and goals. Make a plan of action. 

+ Look at how you spend your time. Is it spent wisely? Do you make time for the people you love? Do you make time for your passions?

These can seem like trivial things when it comes to making the world a better place but like I said before, in order to make change, we have to be the change. You can make the world a better place simply by bringing your unique gifts and passions to the table. You can make the world a better place simply by treating those around you with kindness and compassion. When you take time to work on yourself, you will find you have more to give. 

These are my tips on how to make the world a better place one little step at a time! I hope you liked this post as much as I liked writing it and as always, I hope you have an amazing week!

Until next time,

LUNA EDEN x

Loving yourself when the world tells you not to | Let's Talk

 

DISCLAIMER: IMAGE NOT OWNED BY ME

A couple of years ago there came a point in my life that felt like an epiphany of sorts. When I started to realise the power that the media holds over us. I realised that, as Matt Haig writes in his book 'Reasons to Stay Alive'- "The world is increasingly designed to depress us." and that people and companies make money by playing on our insecurities. They have made us believe that things and looking a certain way will make us happy.

If you too have had this realisation, you KNOW that material possessions are a trap, that buying into your appearance is a trap... we know that to REALLY love ourselves, we need to love ourselves for our bare, naked selves. Not the us that has eyelash, hair and nail extensions. Not the us who has toned abs and a huge arse. Not the us who has a nice car and a great job. None of that fucking matters if you don’t love yourself regardless of all that crap, if you can't learn to be happy without all of it. We know that the media and society has constructed and shaped this ‘perfect’ image. The media sends us this message: ‘Look like this and you will be happy, you will be successful and you will be desired.’ And we as a society have swallowed it up and accepted it as truth. It is so heavily ingrained in us that even when WE KNOW it won’t make us happy. When WE KNOW that we are conforming to society’s standards. When WE KNOW that it’s a short term, surface value solution to a bigger, underlying problem- we still get trapped! We still find ourselves thinking ‘if only I had a smaller nose...’ ‘if only I had longer legs...’ ‘I wish I was naturally more tanned...’ And when you read it out, god doesn’t it sound a bit pathetic? There are people dying out there and we’re sat here thinking about whether or not we should start investing in eyelash extensions. I think it's important to mention here, that I still struggle with this 'ego-trip' and I am learning to be kinder to myself when I fall back into the trap. It's okay to be in the trap because we live in a world that is designed to do just that. It's the acknowledgement and the willingness to stand up against it, that's important here. You might be reading this thinking ‘jheez Jade, chill the hell out. It’s not that deep..’ but you know what? It is deep. We’re all laying awake at night wondering what we’re doing with our lives. We wake up and we want to crawl back to bed because being unconscious for a little while longer is much more appealing than being in our realities. We come home from social gatherings fucking exhausted because we pulled a Jim Carrey and basically exaggerated a version of ourselves to be liked. To be fun, funny, outgoing and interesting. We keep asking ourselves the same questions. Why don’t I feel fulfilled? Why do I feel like there’s something missing? Why do I feel lost? 

Social media influencers preach self love and then promote teeth whitener. We’re spreading a message that looks like happiness but it doesn’t FEEL like happiness. It just leaves us feeling empty. You may now be thinking ‘Jade, people can love themselves and want to whiten their teeth, get eyelash extensions or fake tan.’ And yes, you’re right but you're also probably missing the point. When we live in a world that’s influenced so much by other people and the way they live their lives.. when young girls are growing up looking up at people like Tammy Hembrow, Kylie Jenner and James Charles, it sends out the wrong message to people who haven’t quite figured it out yet. It teaches people that if you look a certain way, you can live a life like ‘X’ and that will make you happy. Sadly, we DO live in a world that judges us by surface value. We DO live in a world where looking attractive will increase your chances of getting the job, at getting the guy/girl, at making friends. We are taught that the way we look is synonymous with success and happiness. That’s why it’s SO hard to go against the grain, to put a middle finger up at the airbrushing and the leg shaving and all the other things that we feel are required of us or will increase our chances of attracting the things we desire.
WHERE DO WE GO FROM HERE?
So, maybe the answer for some of us isn’t shaving our head, growing our armpit hair and living in the forest with the animals. Just like any big change you wish to incorporate into your life, you can take it step by step. You don't have to dive in full force! But we can start somewhere. Here’s where; Consider the way you represent yourself online. Is it heavily focused around what you have and what you look like? Consider using filters less, using airbrushing less. Just be your true human self We can stop apologising when we forget to shave our legs- it's nobodies business! We can learn to buy INTENTIONALLY- this means really considering purchases before committing. Consider why you wear what you wear. Do you sacrifice comfort to look good? Why? Take a look at the cosmetic and non-cosmetic procedures you invest your time and money into. Do you really need all of it? We can decrease our social media intake We can wear makeup less And we can embrace our natural hair, our natural skin colour and our blemishes

As always, I would love to know what you think! Leave a comment below :)

Have an amazing week guys,

Until next time...

LUNA EDEN x

Looking For Love Out of Loneliness | Let's Talk

DISCLAIMER: IMAGE NOT OWNED BY ME

Hey guys! If you're not new here, you'll know that usually my posts have some kind of 'tips' 'steps' or a 'how to' theme to them. This is because I want you guys to be able to get something out of what I write, to give you guys 'actionable' steps to making improvements in your lives and in yourselves. I'm going to do some 'Let's Talk' labelled posts which are less about giving you step by steps or advice, and more about things that I think are important to talk about. These will most likely be topics based around the world that we live in today, to maybe open your eyes up to things you might not have thought about before or maybe you've already been pondering and you want read/hear more- these kinds of posts could be the start of important discussions (with ourselves or with others!) Today's topic is going to be about looking for love, for the wrong reasons. There are many wrong reasons why people actively search for love these days but I think that one of the most common is out of loneliness. A lot of people don't even realise that this is what they're doing. They just consciously or subconsciously recognise this sadness within them, maybe they feel that something is missing in their life and they think that finding a 'significant other' is the answer, the cure to this sadness. The missing puzzle piece, as cliche as that sounds.

My theory is, if you have 10 people who are all looking for a relationship or love, you pair them all off and leave them to it- 3 out of 5 of those couples are likely to find things in common or things that they like about each other and if you leave them long enough, they might even develop feelings for one another. A good example of this is Love Island- a tv program where a dozen or so typically ‘good looking’ men and women stay in a holiday home together. The aim of the show is to invite people looking for love, to take part in a (quite savage) game whereby they are forced to couple up and throughout the show, they are able to jump from one partner to the next at given time points, if they wish to. From the couple of shows they have produced there have been countless relationships that have lasted a couple of years after leaving the holiday home, some have had children and some have gotten engaged or married! 

Okay, so a large factor in this might be that they are mostly extremely attractive and you might be thinking ‘how hard can it be for someone who looks like a Greek god to find love.’ And although ‘typically good looking’ are perceived to have a better chance of finding someone, I think you’ll find that if you put a group of ‘typically not so good looking’ people in a room, the same would happen! In the same way that, when you’re really hungry, you will eat whatever’s been left in the fridge because it’s either that or starve. In the same way that when a psychic tells you that seeing a blue butterfly is a 'sign', that you’ll start seeing blue butterflies- if you are looking for love and you are put in a room with people also looking for love, it's likely you'll find love! (I am a believer in signs but I also believe that we are more perceptive to things when they have been brought to our attention or in this case, put right in front of you.)

If you put yourself in a position where you’re actively seeking love, you’ll probably find it. That’s why if you go on ten dates, you’ll more than likely find at least one person that you’ll click with and want to see again. There is nothing wrong with actively looking for love, just so long as you’re not doing it because you don’t want to be alone, because you want someone to show you that you’re worth something or because you want someone to make you happy. When someone actively looks for love purely to ADD to their life, for someone to SHARE their life with, they will be more picky about who they spend their time with. They may have to go on 50 dates in order to find someone who ticks all the boxes. Because when you value yourself and your life, you only want to attract people that are going to ADD to that, NOT fill a hole.

When someone actively looks for love out of loneliness, they will try to fit a rectangle peg into a square hole. Hell, they might even try to fit a star-shaped peg into a square hole. So they find themselves going on 5 dates and finding ‘the one’, ‘the love of their life’, ‘their world’ when actually they just found someone who likes game of thrones too and looks pretty good naked. Sometimes, these relationships even end up working out. Maybe there was enough common ground to make the relationship last. Maybe they really did find someone ‘perfect’ for them- it’s possible! Or maybe, love is blind and they’ve built too many memories and now it’s three years down the line and they don’t want to chuck that all away. After all, time is precious so I totally understand this logic but if we stop putting ourselves in this position, we won't be persuaded to stay with someone who's not completely suited to us because of 'history'.

This might come across as really negative and pessimistic but I promise you that I, like Terry from Brooklyn Nine Nine, LOVE love! I just think that far too many people hold being in a relationship on such a high pedestal and rely on another person for things that we should be working on ourselves first. We should be spending more time looking at why we feel the need to fill this hole, why there is something missing. If you're willing to take that time to ask yourself these questions, to figure out how YOU can help YOURSELF, and actually act on it- you will no longer be looking for love for the wrong reasons. There is no rush to be in love. There is no rush to get married.

Once you realise this, once you understand that after you've really healed yourself from any insecurities, past rejections, childhood trauma, self limiting beliefs and you've mastered how to be happy in your life without someone else- you'll realise why you kept meeting the 'wrong guy' or the 'wrong girl', you'll realise that relationships are a cherry on the top, NOT the holy grail. They are meant to enhance an already great life, not be the reason why you have a great life.

A lot of people really dislike the phrase 'love yourself first' because people think this means that you can't have real love unless you've mastered the art of self-love. People will often jump on the defence and usually with the shield that is mental illness. I guess some people believe that they will never love themselves and so they see this quote as a toxic message that they will in turn, never find love. I have anxiety myself and instead of telling myself that I will never love myself, I use it as MORE of a reason to love myself. To love myself HARDER. Of course, there are always exceptions to the rule. People can still find love when they don't fully love themselves. People can still find love out of loneliness but there is a power in choosing to be single until you've figured out how to heal yourself first.

This message isn't coming from an end point. I haven't mastered my own 'demons' but I'm working on them and I will continue to work on them until I get to a place where I can be happy in myself. I think that's really important to say here because it's really okay to be a working progress. Our whole lives will be a working progress because we'll never know it all, we'll never get the answers to all of our questions. The goal in sight might look so far away right now but try not to focus on that, just focus on now- what steps you can take now. Every small step is a step closer to the life you want and that's never time wasted.

I'm going to leave you with some questions to think about, to get the ball rolling!

Am I putting too much focus on my love life?

Why do I pick the girls/guys I go for?Why do I attract 'X' types of girls/guys?

Am I searching for validation in other people? Why?

Am I carrying past hurt into current relationships?

Am I happy being single?

What would a relationship fulfil for me that I can't fulfil myself?

What are my deepest insecurities?

Do I push people away out of fear? What fears?

Do I get into relationships quickly?

As always guys, I hope this post was helpful or at the very least, interesting to you! I hope you all have the most wonderful week, 

LUNA EDEN X

AUDIBLE | The Best Money I Have Ever Spent

DISCLAIMER: IMAGE NOT OWNED BY ME

Hey guys! Today I want to talk to you about Audible! An audio book service provided by Amazon. This isn't sponsored in any way, I just love audible! I've been a member for almost three years now, paying £7.99 a month that entitles me to one audio book to read at my own pace and is available even after I stop my membership. I can easily say it's the best money I've ever spent and today I'm gonna tell you why. I would also like to make a disclaimer that 90% of the books I read are self-help so a large portion of this article is based on my experience of using Audible for that particular genre. This DOES NOT mean that if you're not interested in self-help, that this information will not be of use to you!

I CAN EASILY JUGGLE MORE THAN ONE GENRE

So, as you have probably gathered by now, I am really into personal development which basically means that I invest a lot of time into learning how I can become the best version of myself. One of the best resources for learning is of course books! I like to read self-help books for personal growth and I like to read Crime/ Thrillers just for fun but I struggle to make time for both genres when I work full time, spend my free time writing for my blog and creating art content. I try not to use the phrase 'I don't have the time to...' because I believe that you can make time for anything that's a priority! 

However, juggling two books at the same time isn't ideal for me and when I swap between the two genres (read a self-help book and then read a crime thriller) I find myself a bit disorientated because they're two completely different worlds! I end up ditching the thriller because I have this unnerving need for progress in my life and find it hard to let myself do things for fun without feelings of guilt so I tell myself I don't need to read the thriller. Audible enables me to juggle them both! I now listen to self-help books through audible and I physically read thrillers. 

When I'm reading thrillers, I like to go to the book store and pick the one that jumps out at me. I like the 'old-fashioned' feeling of having the book physically in my hands and getting so caught up in the story that I turn page after page, hooked. When it comes to self-help books, I don't have the same desire to have it physically in my hands because I've found that listening to them is better for me.

YOU CAN MAKE MUNDANE TASKS PRODUCTIVE


Okay, this probably has to be one of the most exciting things about using Audible for me. Those mundane tasks that swallow parts of your day such as; a bus journey, a walk to work/school, getting ready, preparing food, showering, driving home from work- these can ALL be turned into a productive use of time with audible. Especially if you're listening to self-help or something else educational. This could be really exciting for you too if you love time efficiency or if you just thrive off of productivity like me! (Yes, I know I sound like Monica Gellar or Amy Santiago right now but.. that's a vibe here, okay?) 

IT ENABLES ME TO ABSORB INFORMATION MORE EFFECTIVELY

If you enjoy self-help books or you're interested in getting started, I highly recommend trying them out on Audible! Again, this is in no way sponsored, (I wish it was) I just want to spread the word because it has made such a big impact on my life. This might seem pretty dramatic to some of you but let's just pause for a moment and think about the fact that some of the most successful people read for the purpose of self development. Click here to view a great article by HuffPost about successful people and their reading habits! 

You may be thinking 'Yeah, that's cool but why do I need audible for that?' and that would be a fair question. If you physically read non-fiction books and find yourself easily and quickly retaining the information that you have read, you most likely fit into 65% of the population who are visual learners. This means you learn best from what you see (and read.) A smaller 30% are auditory learners which means they learn best from what they hear. And a very small 5% are kinesthetic learners which means that they learn best from engaging in some sort of activity or experiment. These statistics are based on the learning methods that are most effective, that's not to say that if you are primary a visual learner, that you won't learn anything through audio! It is very likely that you learn from more than just one method. Click here for more information on learning styles! (This article by Inc. is where I got these statistics from)

But, let's say that you are in the 30% who learn best from audio and you've been spending years reading books instead of listening to them! I have found that through listening to self-help books, that valuable chunks of information have stayed ingrained in my mind for months, even years after finishing an audio book! There's something really great about hearing the book being read by the author too (9/10 self-help books are read by the author.) Hearing their voice helps me to get a better understanding of the person that has put all this impactful information together and gives me a little bit more of the full 'story'. 

I CAN TRAVEL LIGHT!

You may or may not know that I'm currently in Australia (originally from the UK) and when I packed my bags I had to be incredibly selective with what I bought with me as I'm technically a 'backpacker.' Books are pretty bulky and heavy! And so I only brought two physical books with me (both thrillers) because I have all of my audio books tucked away inside a nifty little app on my phone. 

I CAN TRACK MY PROGRESS

Within the app, there is a progress tracker and who doesn't like to track their progress?! You can see how long you have been listening that day, that week, that month AND in total, where you are ranked from 'Newbie' all the way up to 'Master' which, may I add is a challenge and a half because I have been listening to books for three years and I am only half way up the ladder. My tracker says I have listened to a total of seven days, seventeen hours and 15 minutes. Seven days sounds like quite a lot but when you think that was over three years... Doesn't sound so hefty. 

There is also a badge earning system where you can earn bronze, silver or gold on particular challenges. These challenges may be 'You listened to 'X' amount of hours over lunch time' 'You have listened to 'X' amount of books twice' 'You have started 'X' amount of books but not yet finished them.' Oh my god, I am such an Amy Santiago because this excites me A LOT. 

IF YOU DON'T LIKE A BOOK, YOU CAN SWAP IT

I really like this feature because I've bought quite a few audio books that just weren't my cup of tea and you can't just return a book to Waterstones if you don't like it! I've also found that after swapping books I didn't like for another, (I'm not sure if this is a glitch or not) I was still able to listen to the book I didn't like. I guess there's nothing exciting about being able to carry on listening to the book you didn't like... but hey, the choice is nice. 

I hope you enjoyed this post on why Audible is the best money I have ever spent!

P.s. If you're saying to yourself right now 'I don't have £7.99 to spend on audible.' I will just ask you two questions.. Are you currently spending £5-£10 a month to eliminate ads and skip songs on Spotify? Are you paying £10-£15 on a gym membership that you're not getting full use out of? Hmmmm *sips tea*

Thanks for reading guys! Until next week,

LUNA EDEN X

Living With a Passive Aggressive Person | How to Stay Sane

DISCLAIMER: IMAGE NOT OWNED BY ME

Hey guys! Today we are going to be talking about living with someone who portrays passive aggressive behaviour and how to deal with the situation. I decided to check out some articles online written by others and I noticed that they are heavily weighted towards work scenarios rather than living arrangements so this could be quite helpful to some of you out there! I also noticed that when pointing out the tell-tale 'signs' that you're dealing with a passive aggressive person, they missed out one of the most common signs that I have come across! Hence, why I decided to write about this today.

I have had quite a few different living arrangements over the past five or six years and so I have come across my fair share of passive aggressive people and unfortunately for me, they have happened to sleep under the same roof as me. This has enabled me to gain a little 'knowledge' (I guess you could call it?) about how best to deal with them. I'm going to try my best to keep this post unbiased because I'll just say it quickly now- Passive aggressive people drive me UP THE WALL. And that's me putting it kindly. Okay, it's out there, I've said it. Let's get on with the post...


WHAT IS PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOUR? 

In a nutshell, it's displaying negative feelings towards someone through indirect words or actions. A person would typically do this because they don't know how to express their feelings or issues in a straightforward manner. This behaviour is pretty toxic because problems that could be solved quickly end up floating around in the air like a bad smell. They tend to soak in whatever negative mood they're in which affects everyone around them and as we know- energy is contagious.

WHAT ARE THE SIGNS?

Tell tale signs from a passive aggressive person would be;

- Silent treatment
- Using sarcasm to cause unnecessary tension
- Stubbornness  
- Deflecting blame
- Purposely defying or delaying a request (usually just enough for it to be overlooked)
- Excessive exhaling or muttering under breath
- Making excessive noise whilst carrying out tasks (door slamming, drawer slamming, cupboard slamming)
- Sulking
- Subtle insults 

These are all defence mechanisms that help them to express whatever negative emotions they're feeling. The 'excessive noise' has been one of the most commonly used in my personal experience. My mum used to have this attitude of 'If I'm awake then everyone else will be too!' and she would proceed to slam cupboard doors, fridge doors, cups, bowls- whatever she could get her hands on. My immediate reaction would be to walk into the same room and start slamming things of my own and when she looked at me as if to say 'what the fuck do you think you're doing?' I would say something along the lines of 'What? I thought you were starting up a stomp band...' Even though I found that quite funny, I learned the hard way that there are better ways to go about things. 

COMMUNICATION 

This is either going to seem really obvious or really contradictory BUT as we already know, the person you're dealing with has problems with communicating their feelings, which is why they resort to the 'signs' above as an alternative outlet. This leaves any hope of sorting things out verbally in the hands of yours truly! 

This really depends on what your relationship is like with the person. If it's a parent or a sibling, it can be pretty easy to talk to them BUT it's important to avoid making them feel attacked. Sitting down and pointing out all the annoying things they do might not be such a good idea! Instead, ask them if there's something bothering them and if they use the word 'fine', don't take that as a final answer! A good way to skip around the 'F' word is to say something along the lines of 'I know you and I know you're not fine. Tell me what's up and we can sort it out instead of dragging it out.' Bringing humour into the conversation can be a great help too.

WHAT IF I DON'T FEEL COMFORTABLE BRINGING IT UP?

Sometimes all the other person needs is for the communication to be opened up by someone else and sometimes, even that can't help them (this is where the stubbornness comes into play.) If thats the case here or you don't feel comfortable opening up the space for communication, then the rest of these pointers will help. Although I will warn you, they are more about not putting fuel on the fire, rather than putting the fire out because without communication from the other person, you're last resort is to find ways to cope.

DISTANCE YOURSELF

Trying to distance yourself from someone you live with can be pretty tough! Hibernating in your room for too long is unhealthy so try to get out of the house when you can. Go for a walk, meet up with some friends. I enjoy my own space so I'll happily stay cooped up in my room writing a blog post or doing some art. Distancing yourself is a pain if you're forcing yourself to go out when you don't really want to BUT passive aggressive people tend to do the things they do knowing full well that there's someone to witness it. Hence why, if you're not in the same room, they'll make sure you can hear them throwing things around. Yano, just to let you know that they're still sulking about something. So, if you take yourself out of the equation (and physically out of the house), they will no longer have someone to pass their negative vibes onto!

WATCH SOMETHING THAT MAKES YOU LAUGH

Being around passive aggressive people can be SO draining and it can affect you even when you're fighting it. Watching something light that makes you laugh can easily take away any tension left in your body and distract you from the problem. Sound is also a great way to block out any passive aggressive slamming! Headphones have become my new best friend.

DON'T PLAY TIT FOR TAT

It's easy to get so caught up in your frustrations that you want to retaliate but you are just lowering yourself down to their level by doing this. It also gives them a reaction which is exactly what they are looking for and it fuels them to carry on behaving the way they are. It can also cause way more animosity than there was before and no one wants that in a living arrangement. The best thing you can do is rise above it. I know- I hate that line too.

MEDITATE

Meditation is the PERFECT way to rise above a toxic person's energy. And also- the more excuses you have to meditate the better, right? Pop your headphones on/in and listen to one of many FREE guided meditations (non-guided is fine too) and float your way above their low energy and up to cloud nine, baby! The breathing techniques often used alongside meditation can really calm down any irritation you're feeling and by focusing you energy on just being here in the moment, you take away any energy you're giving to the situation. What you give energy to, you give power to. 

And I think that just about sums up my top pieces of advice on how to cope when living with someone who demonstrates passive aggressive behaviour. You have my sincere sympathy because I know how crazy it can make you feel at times! Just know- living situations can feel like a forever thing but they're not. 

I hope you all have a wonderful week! Until next time,

LUNA EDEN x

How to Deal With a Break-Up Gracefully

DISCLAIMER: IMAGE NOT OWNED BY ME

Hey guys! Life doesn't always go the way you anticipate and the way you react and handle life's curve-balls says a lot about you! This blog is all about growing and how to become the best version of ourselves so today I want to talk about how to

handle being newly single in a way that's mature and healthy. Being broken up with is one of the hardest rejections you will ever receive so if you can find it in yourself to heal whilst being graceful about it? Well, I'd say theres not much else you can't do! So without further waffling, here are my top tips!

ALLOW YOURSELF A RECOVERY PERIOD

Right, let's start off by saying that being broken up with is fucking HARD SHIT. It's all good and well me giving you advice on how to deal with it but please just give yourself some time to cry as much as you want, eat whatever you want, sleep for as long as you want. I'd say give yourself a week, two tops to just let yourself process what's happened as most times, it comes out of the blue and it can feel like your whole world has been turned upside down. Your emotions are likely to be all over the place so whatever you feel, don't suppress it. If you do, it'll only come back to bite you on the bum later on and it really isn't worth the short term gain of pretending everything is okay. It's a really good idea to NOT do anything out of the ordinary in your recovery period. Read on to find out why...

DON'T GO ON A FUCKING MAD ONE

This part of your life can be really strange and because we haven't had enough time to process the information, our minds like to look for ways to handle this emotion but these things are often distractions from the pain, rather than solutions. These may look like; going on wild nights out, sleeping with lots of people, physically transforming yourself, heavy use of drugs and/or alcohol and serial dating. Theres nothing wrong with wanting a distraction, as long as you're aware that's what it is but these distractions can develop into unhealthy habits that prevent you from really dealing with the problem and therefore prolonging the process of getting over it.

GET THE ANSWERS TO YOUR QUESTIONS

It may hurt to hear but I think it's always good to get an idea of what's going on in the other person’s head before you part ways. They should respect you enough to give you a reasoning behind not wanting to be with you anymore. Closure may not happen as soon as you want it to but if you don't know where it's coming from, it could end up haunting you for years to come and by that point it's awkward to ask your ex why they left you. Opening the opportunity to talk could give you the chance to say how you're feeling too which is important because the things you didn't say could also end up haunting you.

BE CAREFUL OF SAYING THINGS YOU CAN'T TAKE BACK

While it's good to get answers and possible closure sooner rather than later, it's very easy for words to come from a place of anger at a time like this and sometimes we want to hurt the other person because they've hurt us but as much as that may seem like a natural reaction, it isn't a mature or kind one. An eye for an eye leaves the world blind, remember? Sometimes the best thing do is to ask any immediate questions you might need for closure and hold back on saying anything that could come from a bad place.

DON'T TRASH TALK THEM

So, the previous point was about what not to say to them. This point is about what not to say about them. Trash talking your ex is a bad move because firstly, it's not mature. Secondly, I am a big believer in keeping respect for each other after parting ways (unless they have done something very disrespectful) because this person was likely to be a big part of your life, maybe even your best friend. It would be a real shame to taint all of that because things didn't work out. Thirdly, resentment and hate uses up FAR more energy than we know. You are wasting your energy if you are trash talking your ex. Grow up!

CHECK THAT WHATEVER YOU'RE DOING IS FOR YOU AND NOT FOR THEM

As a girl, it's a really common to want to totally re-create ourselves! We wanna go and get our hair coloured, we wanna hit the gym, we wanna go out out in a new outfit and it's an energy of 'Look what you gave up' right? And I feeeeel you. You play 'No Scrubs' by TLC as you take fifty selfies to show him how much better off you are without him. But let me tell you that firstly, it's really transparent to him and to everyone else. I can always tell when someone's gone through a bad breakup on social media because they suddenly pop up after years of hardly posting, to uploading pictures of themselves from every angle and videos of them dancing in a club.

I'm not saying that you shouldn't do these things- each to their own but just ask yourself who you're really doing it all for because now that you're single, you should be doing you. If you wanna go to the gym and get buff DO IT. If you want to go brunette DO IT. If you want a new tattoo DO IT. Just please don't go and dye your hair blonde because you know he likes blondes. Don't go to the gym and do 50,000 squats because you know he's a butt guy. And don't go and get a tattoo because he was always liking photos of girls with tattoos.

It's actually pretty empowering to do the opposite of what they 'liked' about you! I was told by an ex that he wouldn't find me attractive with short hair. After breaking up I got my hair cut from below my ribs to above my shoulders and I've never looked back! I got told by an ex that I don't suit leopard print but I love leopard print and if I wanna wear it, I bloody well will! But just remember to check in with yourself- Am I doing this for me?

ARE YOU A SAVAGE OR JUST A SAD BITCH?

This has to be my favourite point of all because of the play on words from Ariana Grande's song '7 Rings.' I use the word 'savage' sarcastically because it makes me cringe a little bit but what I mean by this is, it's a very common reaction for girls to switch up their entire personality after a bad break up. I've done it myself to a certain degree- I was determined to be a STONE COLD BITCH after my first bad break up. It made me feel powerful, in control of my feelings and like I didn't need anyone but it took me a long time to realise that it's another cover-up. It's just a mask that we put on to feel protected from people that might hurt us again but getting hurt is a part of life- real talk.

It's okay to not want to even look at another guy/girl after going through a break up but don't shut your heart down. You will love again and it will be amazing. Yeah you might get hurt again too but you'd be surprised at just how strong you are and how much you can battle through. When you find the right person, the person you were always supposed to find your way to, you will realise why all of the previous hurt had to happen! I like to see every thing that doesn't work out as one more step towards what's meant for me, one more lesson to learn and one step closer to being the strongest version of myself.

DON'T MOVE ON UNTIL YOU'VE HAD TIME TO HEAL

Whether it's dating, sex, or a relationship- I strongly advise you not to jump into anything until you're really truly ready. It's a common misconception that getting involved with someone else will help you get over an ex. You're actually just distracting yourself from the pain in a seriously unhealthy way, especially if it's with the intention of meeting someone new. If you haven't healed from your last wound, you'll end up bleeding all over someone else. (There's a quote that delivers this metaphor way better than I just did but you get the message.) In other words, you end up taking your old baggage you haven't dealt with into a new situation and you're very likely to hurt someone else when all you were trying to do was make yourself feel better. It's selfish if you do this knowingly.

The most important thing to take away from this if you find yourself demonstrating this pattern, (and it's a pattern I see a lot of people making!) is to ask yourself why you feel the need to jump into something else so quickly. Often it's because you seek validation. Now, if this is rubbing you up the wrong way, it's likely that this applies to you! This means that you hold other's views of you at a higher value than the way you view yourself or that you need proof of another's desire for you in order for you to feel worthy. This happens a lot because so many people don't view themselves very highly.

The problem with this is that you can find yourself investing time with people who treat you badly, that take advantage of you, that are toxic or that just aren't right for you. You end up investing your energy into lost causes (situations not people) and time is so precious! This time and energy could be spent on YOU, which is a much more worthwhile use. When you realise you're the fucking shit and you deserve the best, that's what you get! And this isn't about the way you look or how much money you have in the bank. It's about the kind of person you are, the way you treat others, the love you have to offer.

As cliche as it sounds, I really do believe that everything happens for a reason. If people walk out of my life, I genuinely believe it's because they were supposed to and I know that with every curve-ball that gets thrown my way, there's a lesson and there's a chance for me to grow as a person. If you look at life this way, it's really hard to get vexed about the bad stuff. This is NOT to say that I don't cry or have a wobble because c'mon- I'm human! But just have trust in your journey, you will get over it, you will be okay and there are many many fish in the sea. Fish that don't have commitment issues, Fish that see your worth, Fish that will make you very happy. And do you know what else? Being in a loving relationship is amazing but it isn't the be all and end all! So don't let love be your sole focus. Let YOU be your sole focus and everything else will sort itself out.

Have a beautiful week! Until next time,

LUNA EDEN x